Category Archives: Dreams

Variations on a Theme: Clearing the Decks

On my last birthday, I chose a word to serve as a personal theme for the next six months (here’s a link to that post). I chose that time frame because I had some very specific things I wanted to accomplish, and I knew several of those things had deadlines near the end of the year. In addition, I knew that I tend to get reflective at both my birthday and New Year’s, and it seemed a natural time to close the “DreamCatcher” chapter of my life and begin something new, even if that new thing was less structured than the previous thing. I’m really proud to report that I caught my two biggest dreams: I finished my thesis and graduated for real, and I found a job that pays better and that I really enjoy.

I’ve decided to choose another theme for the next six months, and I’ve decided to specifically limit myself to six months again, because there are some other specific things I want to accomplish in this specific time frame. My deadlines are more self-imposed this time, but there are some external factors at play as well.

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The End of an Era, Part 2

Last night I talked a little bit about the sense of loss I feel now that I’ve finished my degree, and how that has me feeling like I don’t know quite who I am anymore (here’s the link to that). The post was awfully short (by my standards), and I didn’t feel like I’d explored what I wanted to say to my own satisfaction. I also have a few informal guidelines for the little essays I share on this site, and that post missed the mark on a couple of counts (more details about that are here).

The biggest piece that I missed is that I like for whatever the current issue is to lead into a discussion of a more general nature – I want to move from the specific into the general and look at the big picture. Last night’s post didn’t do that, mainly because I’d been awake for over 24 hours, and my brain was mush.

So last night I talked about my realization that my professional identity was completely made up of my status as a student, and now that I’m graduating, I’m not sure quite who I am anymore. Today I want to look at the bigger picture, about identity in general. This post is a direct continuation of yesterday’s; they are intended to be read one after the other, starting with yesterday’s, as one coherent essay.

I wonder if the sense of loss I’m feeling is similar to the way retirees feel? Retirement is similar to graduation in many ways – in both cases, the person in question is experiencing a major life change, and the types of things he or she typically does are changing drastically (usually resulting in that person enjoying more free time). Being a student is a full-time job in and of itself, after all, and it’s been easy to explain why I’m working in an industry that is totally unrelated to my education by saying, “Well, I’m also a full-time student,” in the same way that a retiree might explain his or her part-time job as a barista by saying that he or she is also retired. Now that I’ve graduated, it feels like I need to come up with justification as to why I am underemployed (and somehow it’s worse to be underemployed with a Master’s than it was to be underemployed with just a Bachelor’s). Continue reading

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The End of an Era

This morning (well, technically it was yesterday morning, but I just got off work not too long ago, and I haven’t slept yet, so to me it’s still today) I successfully defended my Master’s thesis. I’ve still got a couple more little things to do, but this was the last big hurdle; I’m definitely graduating this semester (basically, next week).

After I found out I passed, someone asked me how it felt to be done. I said, “Amazing!” or something of that sort, and in that moment, it was the absolute truth. After all, my current theme is “DreamCatcher,” and I’ve certainly been dreaming of this day for a long time; making it my reality is an amazing feeling.

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“Dreamcatcher”

Today is my 34th birthday.

Wow, 34. In the words of Wil Wheaton, “I’m not going to lie to you, Marge,” it feels odd. Adult, maybe. I’m not 100% sure how I feel about it. Getting older has always been a mixed bag for me; I look forward to new beginnings (as I do at New Year’s – I’m lucky that I get to reflect twice a year, and it’s almost exactly six months apart, give or take thirteen days), but I also reflect on all that I didn’t accomplish over the previous year.

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Homesick

I dreamed of home last night. Walked down the halls of my elementary school and saw the smiles of my former teachers. Saw the pride in their eyes when I told them I was moving back from Oklahoma, finally, to work on my Ph.D. Told them I was majoring in English Composition and Rhetoric, and that I want to focus on Freshman Composition. Saw the pride again when I told them I’d taught high school, and married a wonderful man. Saw the tears form when I told them how happy I was, and heard them say how happy they were for me. They’d always hoped I’d be happy someday. It’s the cold truth that I usually wasn’t, when I’d been a student there. I don’t remember much else about the dream, but I do remember how I felt: I felt at peace, happy, and at home.

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